Once in a while you come to the conclusion you have been living your life in a way that does not work for you in some way. You need to do something else. You need to change. Once you reach that conclusion, it is easy to blame yourself for not seeing this earlier, for ignoring your gut feeling. You can blame yourself for past mistakes. This does not change anything. The only thing you can do is change your future by changing your actions. You are not able to change your past, you should focus on changing your future.